Brown bottles

As I drive slowly to St Patrick’s hospital. My heart thumps mildly. I am trying to concentrate on my driving, but my mind keeps dragging me back to last week.

Last week, Taye (my friend) and  I went to the bar. I just won the contract for a road construction, so we went to celebrate this feat. I ordered free drinks on the house. I paid for the drinks of about 30 people present at the bar.

I used to boast that I could control my senses under the influence of alcohol, so Taye and I decided that today was a brilliant day to to test out who had the highest alcohol tolerance of the two of us. Before we knew it, we were on 6 bottles of beer and were both very drunk! I could hardly keep my mind in one place!

Soon , a girl walked up to my table and engaged me in a conversation. I remember she was really pretty and had a beautiful red gown on . Another thing I noticed even while my head was spinning was that she had the most beautiful accent. It sounded a little bit American but with a hint of the swagger with which Britons talked , I loved it.

I don’t remember much of the conversation, but I know we discussed her love life. From the hint of whiskey I perceived from her mouth, It was obvious she had been drinking too, but was not drunk.

On a good day, I would avoid a keen discussion with such a pretty being at a bar, mainly because I’m married! And I love my wife with my life, so I try to steer away from any sought of storms that would rock the boats our beautiful marriage.

She talked about how she had problems dating numerous guys. She rambled on about how she had lost faith in love. I told her I did not share her beliefs and I struggled to be coherent when narrating the love story between my wife and I.   I can’t remember what else we said to each other but I remember she beamed a lot during our conversation. She had a beautiful smile .

At some point, I checked my watch and realised it was few minutes past 10pm. My wife would be worried!!!!

I lazily got up to walk to my car, but I kept stumbling. Taye was not much of a help. He was very drunk too, so you could say that we were both as useless as the “p” in psycho. I don’t even know which direction Taye staggered to.

In the midst of my troubles, pretty lady (I did not get her name yet) came to my aid as I staggered aimlessly around the bar.

I did not know what I was doing and I foolishly followed her into my car. My phone rang. I took a look at it, my wife was trying to call but I could not coordinate my senses to pick up, talk less about speaking.

Pretty lady drove me off and honestly  I can hardly remember what happened after . All I realized is that when I regained full consciousness the next morning, I was only wearing my boxers, on a bed , in an unfamiliar environment.

As I looked up I noticed that the pretty miss that rescued me from yester-night was all dressed up and ready for work. A confused me asked her if anything happened between us and all I got was a smile. Just like the beams she flashed often at the bar.

She told me she was hurrying off to work and that I should dress up also. She left her business card and my car keys on the sofa where I lay and she took off.

My God! Am I dreaming? What have I done? Right there and then, I swore never to drink anymore. What explanation would I offer my wife? How the hell did I end up in this mess? What in the world happened last night? Those were the questions that flew through my head in random fashion.

I practically flew out of pretty lady’s home without even taking a blink at the card. I got home to a very worried wife and I offered her one cock and bull story about having to pass the night at a friend’s place. Though it was not convincing enough and I could tell that she was not buying my story. That was the best I could offer on short notice.

Ever since the incident with pretty lady I have not had rest. Have I contracted HIV/AIDS or some other sexually transmitted disease? Are my days numbered? I don’t even know what to think. I have been too much of a scared cat to go for a proper check-up.

This morning I decided to face my fears. As I would not have good rest until I had a complete check-up.

Here I am now in the doctor’s office waiting anxiously for the results of the tests. He tells me that I don’t have syphilis but my test for HIV turned out positive. My world had been turned upside down. What would I do?, what will I tell my wife? He starts to explain that this is not the end of the world and continues on with some other things. All his explanations fall on deaf ears. All I think about is my life, what will become of it.
Shortly after a nurse comes  and says “sir, I think I mixed up those results”. Oh – my!!! Did I hear right? my innermost soul craved that what the nurse said be true. Luckily, it was. I was cleared. The positive HIV result belonged to another person. I had pity on that person but  I was grateful I was not the victim.

I don’t know what happened that night, I don’t know if I ever want to know. Maybe, nothing even happened. Maybe pretty miss just took care of me and gave me a place to sleep. Whatever it is, I don’t want to know. All I know is that I don’t want to have anything to do with those brown bottles any more.

Written by Kolade Oluwapelumi

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Letter to my unborn child – A rendition by Kolade Pelumi

 

LETTER TO MY UNBORN CHILD

Written by Kolade Oluwapelumi  

(male version)

Hey dude, (it kind of sounds weird saying ‘son’ at my age and stage…..) I did not really want to write this letter so I don’t jinx everything I have planned for you. Anyways, I decided to do it just for fun. Just so you know, I plan on being the coolest dad ever. Also, you would have one of the coolest mums on the planet. Your grandparents are the best. You would surely meet them by God’s grace.

Back to your mum (my wife ).She would be the prettiest person man ever laid eyes upon(trust me on that one) though I probably have not met her yet, (or I might have) whichever way, I am pretty sure about her beauty . So that obviously means you would be one of the finest children ever to be born.

We would do the coolest things like playing games together till late into the night. You would learn the guitar from me,( girls really dig we guitarists you know!)…. so it would be an added advantage apart from your beauty ( yes, a boy can be referred to as being beautiful). Even if I am not catching on my chords fast, by the time you arrive I should be a pro.

You would love the lord your God, even though having a close relationship with God is up to you, I will play my role as a father and put you on the right path. Enough said already, I have millions of plans for you, very exciting ones. We would wait until you arrive. Please note, I would not have any traits of rebellion in you. So you would have to be a good boy.

Ps: I really hope you come as a boy and have a little sister. If you come as a girl first,well……. I will write your letter next (just in case).

Your loving father!

(GIRL VERSION)

Yeah you!….. I really wanted a boy as a first child and I will sing that to you all your life. I  am kidding of course. I would love you silly. You would definitely be pretty, almost to a fault. Obviously, it is simply” genetical” (You should see your mum!) The usual rules apply. No dating till you are 15 (25 actually, if I had my way lol). I would get fearsome dogs, about 10 to place a check on those boys your beauty will unavoidably attract. (Just joking with the 10 dogs….. but there would definitely be dogs).  I have billions of plans for you as well. I guess we would wait for time to run it’s course.

Note to reader:
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The girl of my dreams (Short Story by Kolade Pelumi)

THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS by Kolade Pelumi

It was 8 45 pm. I had just arrived the leadership conference centre located at Bodija. The conference was scheduled to start at 9pm and I was getting ready to sit in the auditorium. Just then, my eyes caught the most beautiful person.

 My heart began to pound almost immediately. It was like hefty men were pounding yam right inside my chest. Minutes past by and I was just getting over the feeling when she looked in my direction a tint of fear quivered through my heart and I sank into my chair like a scared chicken.

Throughout the conference all I could think about was her, she packed her hair very simply but that image was creating complex reactions within my belly. I paid half attention to the motivational speaker and did not notice how fast time flew by. Soon, the conference was over. She was talking to her friends about the conference and all I could do was stare in utmost admiration and awe.

Soon they were exiting the auditorium (she and her friends). I was sitting on the seat closest to the passage way, and only heaven knows best what in the world prompted me to beckon on her, the moment she gazed into my eyes, it was like the spirits of Romeo and Juliet were re-incarnated within us. She also, to my greatest surprise was also interested in me, at least that was the impression I got.

 I noticed she should be a little younger than I was. I asked her if she had a paper… she replied with a gesture, a positive nod ….. I continued a pen? I got the same reply as the former. Then I asked her to write me her number. She stared at me in an inquisitive style and then lunged for a leaf of paper and a biro, but after writing her number down she started scribbling what seemed to me like a note…… I was somewhat confused, but I was glad she was writing me a note. Her friends beckoned on her for them to get going but she ignored, I too, though not wanting her to leave told her that she can follow her friends but she replied me with the cutest smile ever. I was delighted and was waiting patiently to see what my newly found angel was writing me …….my mind began to race fast now…. Could it be a poem, a joke or a love letter?……. what could it be exactly. As she handed me the note she winked at me ,…. Just then the strangest thing happened… I woke up….. alas! I was dreaming.

By Kolade Pelumi

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